For convention’s sake, I’m starting the morning at the point at which I finally give up on trying to put the children back to bed.
06:00 Woken by the baby crying, the toddler crying or poo erupting from the baby like Mt Vesuvius. Possibly all three. Husband continues sleeping.
6:30 Baby changed/fed, toddler up. Start to ask toddler what she would like for breakfast. Receive no response.
6:40 Give up and start making own breakfast.
6:50 Sit down to start eating. Toddler immediately demands breakfast.
6:55 Give toddler requested breakfast.
6:56 Toddler requests different breakfast.
7:00 Cannot quite believe that bedtime is still 13 hours away.
7:15 Get on with washing etc while trying to keep an eye on toddler to make sure she’s not squashing/biting/hitting/standing on baby. Make lunch for husband (who is still asleep).
7:45 Accept that toddler probably isn’t going to eat breakfast. Decide to get toddler dressed.
8:00 Still trying to get toddler to put pants on.
8:15 Husband finally emerges. Run into the shower, instructing husband to feed/clothe child. Toddler suddenly needs a wee. Do not have time to wash and dry hair and it is -4c outside; decide to use dry shampoo. End up looking like Cruella De Vil and have to wash hair anyway.
8:25 Showered, dressed, teeth brushed. Toddler still has no clothes on and has not eaten breakfast.
8:30 Get toddler dressed by promising to go out. Baby starts crying.
8:35 Toddler puts wellies on, despite no rain. Decide not to argue. It’s not worth it. Baby still crying.
8:45 Change baby’s nappy ready to go out while trying to stop toddler from running around with muddy wellies.
8:55 Ready to leave! Just need to get toddler’s coat on. Toddler wants to eat congealed porridge/soggy cereal/limp toast rejected over an hour ago. Does not want to put coat on. Baby continues to cry.
9:05 Toddler takes boots off for some reason. Baby cries.
9:15 Everyone is out of the house!
11:15 Return to house for nap time. Realize that husband was last out of the door and therefore has house keys.